From Rough and Ready....

Relationships always occupy tenuous ground. In hindsight it's a wonder anyone ever gets together at all, and yet we do. For better, for worse (and all the rest of that crap) we choose to chip our teeth on the ultimate bullet and attempt to go the distance with another human being. Maybe it beats watching QVC after groveling in your cubicle all day, but not by much.

Alright, I'm just a tad cynical. I just resolved (nice euphemism) my latest coupling and it has admittedly left me in a shallower quandary than previous commitments. I seem to be caring less and less about more and more these days. Dispensing decades of life without remarkable insight can do that to you. (It's like finally appreciating Olympia beer's age-old slogan "it's the water" right about the time you realize that the quality of the water in your beer is the last thing you really care about.)

Ultimately I've given up the burning quest for "the truth" and settled for a picture of the future that fits the empty frame on my wall. My masterpiece includes working until I drop (or lose my ability to love due to muscle atrophy), accepting that we understand ourselves about as well the female black widow knows her mate and feeling perpetually dismayed by how fast everything seems to be moving past my basement window.

And there in lies the rub, or possibly the "rug" for those of us going bald: why do we struggle to prolong a bullet-ridden life? How much pain do we need to suffer until we say enough already? My best analogy is the compulsion that eclipses our good judgment when we play slot machines. We know our odds of winning make General Custer look like a shoe in for victory and yet we continue to feed the monster, right down to the very last nickel in our lint-filled pocket. Why? The lust to triumph over a fucking machine ignites into a primal furor. And so it is with love: the quest to experience a primal furor distorts our sense of reality. Yeah, I know it's not a very romantic analogy of love but it's the best I can do right now. Sue me!